Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Where banana seats came from. Or, why coffee tables wink.

There is a guy from Scotland that was arrested for having sex with his bike.
It’s really true so I’ll let that soak in a minute…..tap, tap, whistle, whistle, tap, tap…..

This story disturbs me on many levels but I can only imagine the police interview after his arrest:

Detective: Do you confess to having sex with a bicycle?

Bike Humper: Yes.

Detective: Was it a woman’s bicycle or a man’s bicycle?

Bike Humper: Dude, I’m not gay.

Detective: The fuck????!!!

I have to wonder if this freakazoid is exclusively attracted to bicycles, or are other inanimate objects just as sexy? If so, I envy him on some level. There would be no such thing as a boring night at home. “ Well, helllllooooo…Lamp! Wadaya doin’ later?”

He probably has his own set of private jokes he uses around the house:
“Well, there’s nothing on TV tonight,” …pause for humorous effect…”except ME!”

I’m thinking he might have done a unicycle but his mom told him it would make him blind.


  1. Ok...wrapped my head around "the act" but I'm trying to get a visual...and...where, exactly, was the hole?

    So confused.

  2. Good question. Here's to hoping the spokes weren't involved.