Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Dead butterflies killed my keyboard

I recently had to babysit some contractors at work which meant I had the miserable joy of sitting around for 12hrs. In this time I got on blogspot and just clicked away. Blog after blog.
I knew that there were a gazillion blogs out there but I didn’t realize how many stupid ones there are. And by stupid I mean, REAL FUCKING stupid.(even more stupid than this one)

Do you have ANY idea how many people have dedicated a blog to the daily activities of their dog? Their fish? What they knit? The children they don’t even HAVE?? WTF??

One lady has a blog in which she actually shows DAILY “growth” pictures of a plant.
Pictures of it.
Every. Fucking. Day.

There are also a hundred million women at home alone that simply blog about how unhappy they are in their lives.
And still MORE that are more than happy to post photos of their entire family (complete with first and last names), pictures of their home (complete with street address) and tell everyone when they will be home or on vacation and the hotel they will be staying at.
I didn’t find the one that posted their social security number and mother's maiden name but I’m sure it’s out there. (if you find it, please forward the link)

I also discovered that everyone in China has a blog and all of them post pictures of food.
Every. Damn. One.
Another thing I noticed about the one billion Chinese blogs is that apparently it is mandatory you put the following phrase in your profile:
“I like care very much for those I have care for.”
The Fuck??? What does that even mean?

I think that in the morning I’m going to come into work and start speaking Chinese…only in English.
It’ll be awesome.

I didn’t know that there were so many women in the world that are “totally in love with Jesus and have a totally hot husband.”
I saw that line on no less than 300,000 profiles and for some reason that phrase creeps me out. Totally.

Some of the catch phrases after blog titles that made me burp dead butterflies were:
“We are but sojourners on this earth”
“I search for my soul but maybe find yours”
“My life is a tulip in your hands”

And my favorite “dead butterfly burping blog catch phrase” IS…..waaaait for it…….
“I am but a lily in your field of daffodils.”

Oh. Please. Make it stop.
And all this time I thought the internet was just for music, silliness, porn and the occasional Goggle Map thingy.

After about 10hrs of clicking “next blog” and being quite disgusted with the majority of them, I clicked “next blog” one more time and there it was.
My OWN fucking blog.

I threw up.
Now my keyboard doesn’t work rrrrrigghh%//////////@t.

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