Monday, February 1, 2010

You forgot your air freshener smells like Stephen Hawking.

I’ve read that as you age you begin to lose your memory and that children learn faster than adults. I don’t think you lose your memory as you age. I believe you just have so much more crap to remember that it’s harder to keep up with. Your brain gets filled up and you lose space to keep stuff.
All the experts agree that kids can learn new languages faster than adults. I’m not impressed with that. If I had as few problems as a 9 year old I could learn Chinese over the weekend too. Let kids start worrying about bills, mortgage and car payments, Iran’s nuclear program and our own government ripping all of us off and let’s see who can conjugate faster.

In order for adults to manage their memory I think we should begin to eliminate unnecessary categories for our memories. For instance, I plan to eliminate the “who wore what” category. From now on if I see you at the club wearing a full chicken outfit I will remember that as: “saw them at the club.”
Recently I started to read Stephen Hawking’s “A Brief History of Time” again and I thought, “I don’t have room for this.” I think I made it to page 12. I’d love to read that book again but it might make me forget to pay my electric bill or take some videos back. And it’s not like I haven’t already done that in the past week.

Speaking of Stephen Hawking, I plan to eventually release all complicated explanations for time, space and the world. Evolution has to go. It’s too complicated and takes up too much space. It’s either evolution or “remember to zip up pants.” The choice is clear…unless of course I’m trying to make some friends.
I’m also going to start lumping things together in my mind based on similarities in order to save space. From now on stem cells are babies and Iranians are Arabs. And they all live in North Korea with Osama and OJ.

There was something else I was going to add but I forgot what it was. Maybe that’s because I just remembered to put a new air freshener in my car.

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